This has to end

I am Sorry 

It was a decision i had to make . I had to leave something that was soo close to my heart for something i want to achieve . I guess we have to convert our hearts to gasoline sometimes to insure our future . My wounds are growing everyday , they just never go away . I tried everything being all alone in my room , being away from everything , doing things i love but its rising . I have to do something about it . I always used to say pain is a gift , fear is an enemy but now it feels like pain does not make us any stronger it just boosts our ability to control our pain .

I am just tired , tired of being the “ SAD Man “ and that Sad man’s sadness was driving me , now i realized it was taking me to the edge of the mountain . Yes , i am just a damn sadman , who is always sad about something . “ God damn it Rizvee , you know you are awesome “ Someone whispers ! . unfortunately i ain’t shit  , I just know how wear a clown make up perfectly . I don’t know to deal with my brain forsaken depression but i have to stop now . Look at all the pain caused  with my photographs , with my words . That’s all i know , i can’t keep doing that . I have to stop putting my pain everywhere and act like i am really good at it  . I don’t want to be admired for something painful .  So i decided to stop doing what i was doing . I am not good at saying things that might make you happy , remember I am sad man . My series or stories might look like a god damn joke but they are all emotions . There’s no more emotion for me to pull from . I am done , i am tired and this is the end . 

I am a walking bad luck people , i don’t know where lord is sending me but i will try best to do my part . Keep me in your prayers